Thursday, September 8th, 2005
|
|
2:38 pm - because Im too cheap for a real update.
|
Look at your LJ interests list. If you have fewer than 50 interests, pick every fifth one. If you have between fifty and seventy-five interests, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five interests, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em. List them on your LJ, and tell everyone exactly what it is about these things that interests you so much.
Bettie Page-Who doesnt love that gorgeous fucking woman. she's in her 80's and still pretty.
Charcoal- One of my favorite mediums. Charcoal artists make me weak in the knees
e.e. Cummings. - I wanna hump his brain.. course its a little dusty and dried out now...
gloom cookie- if you've read it, you'd know
liquid sky- fucked up movie. thanks Ivey for giving me one more fucked up thing
nicotene- Mmm smokey treats
peewee herman - Paul rueben. you rock my socks off.
quotes- Its become a little fashionable, but I still enjoy quotes.
secrets - the secret fuel that keeps the world running.
sunsets- Some of the best moments of my life, were accompanied by sunsets.
the ocean - its my home.
words- Im no good at them... but It doesnt mean I love them any less.
current mood:  going to work
current music: Mary Prankster
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
|
|
4:23 pm - one of those smooshey things
|
|
|
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
|
|
1:05 am - HAH
|
|
|
Sunday, May 1st, 2005
|
|
3:16 pm - Devour this you Stupid Reflection.
|
LEAVE ME ALONE
I dont care. Neither should you. Let it go. I dont want to hear it. I dont want to see it. I dont want to talk. You think you know things but you dont know shit. I dont wanna hear you come clean about your lies. I dont care anymore. Im all filled up on hurt and bullshit. I dont need anymore, though thank you for the offer. NOW GO AWAY. Leave me alone. LEAVE
Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Friday, April 8th, 2005
|
|
4:12 pm - dreams again
|
I dreamed I was in trouble. Almost like I was running and scared. It was that kind of panic. I was in an old historic district near Tryon Palace in North Carolina... and I recognized My parents friends home. Bruce And rose were they names.. I knocked.. doing a half dance of impatience. A woman answered it. She looked familiar but so distant that she was still a stranger. soft almost glowing pale skin. Short sandy blonde hair graced with a bundle of hairspray and product. Her sweater looked almost as soft as her face and she grabbed me in a big hug and ushered me inside. I asked her if I knew her, because for all that she seemed familiar, I couldnt place her. She nods her head and told me that She remembers me from before I could possibly remember her. Something clicked and I told her I knew that she was Bruce's first wife. She had a name that when she told it to me, meant snow... something in another language. Anyway. she took me inside. It was huge.. It looked a lot like bruce and Rose's real house here... a TWO/THREE Story colonial. This place however was warmer, bigger and more cluttered with soft glowing things. That dream haze that makes you feel soft. Warm orange lights. Soft cream colored walls. A fire going in the hearth. Over stuffed couches. Hardwood floors. Long curving stairways. She led me through to a room and said she had something to show me. She moved a curtain and instead of a window there was a rickety staircase made out of shady looking bricks and wobbling wooden planks. I reached up to touch it and half a brick crumbled into dust. It looked like a pitchblack tunnel that went on forever. Turns out she tells me, that its a staircase straight to heaven. There were noises echoing down from the darkness that both stirred my soul, and chilled my blood and I asked her to close the curtain. She left me there in a bedroom very close to the 'heavenway' and I set my heavy bag down and began to look through the things in the room. Next thing I knew... There was an angel there. Covered from head to toe in blue feathers. They face reminded me strangely of an Owls with the way the feathers raised up on the bridge of their nose. I never saw their mouth, but I could almost picture the tight downturned beak. Blue hair pulled back into a pony tail, and wings that I 'knew' were there... but Could never see. They had a clipboard and were scribbling things down. I was a smart ass and gave some quip about how I guess they were supposed to be the angel that came down that hallway. They said yes and gave me one of those infinitely patient looks and wrote something else down. I told them that I didnt believe in the christian god and they said they knew and thats why this one bubble on the sheet had been filled in... the bubble beside the words 'badbadbad' had been darkened by their pen. I laughed a little bit and before I knew it there was this ear shattering squeal and the curtain in front of the stairwell whooshed out as a feral crazed version of the polite angel in front of me. It screeched again and pushed me over on its way out the door. "its a harpy!" I said as I got up. The angel agreed and helped me up. "Thats what we call them.. they're really just wild angels." He seemed very undisturbed by what just happened, and after picking up whatever I dropped I turned around and they had gone, leaving their clipboard behind. After making a huge scene about wantingandnotwanting to read it.. I read it and it turns out.. that the only real thing Heaven has against me...is the fact I didnt carry a baby I was once pregnant with to term.
This, people, is why the psyche industry makes millions a day.
current mood:  weird
current music: Tenacious D
|
|
(7 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
|
|
5:52 pm
|
|
|
Friday, February 11th, 2005
|
|
12:34 pm - Early Valentines
|
I got my valentines today! Early Yumminess.
David was adorable. Made me sit and close my eyes.. he layed things out in front of me. Banger sisters on DVD. A gift certificate for a local bookstore. A cute purple teddy bear.. and of course. Yummy fat girl chocolate treats.
I ruined the day by sleeping too much.. though I havent felt good lately at all. My tummy's all upset.. but I'll try and do something good for him.
This was the first valentines day someone other than my parents gave me something *LAUGHS*
current mood:  full
current music: Toy Soldiers
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
12:14 pm - sick in the head dream time'
|
Once upon a sick girls dream. There was a classroom.
There were children of all races and sizes, and ages here. A kind faced young woman watched over us all.. I was a chubby girl in the back. During playtime.. a man came to our door. A sickly old east indian fellow.. whom I invited in to rest. He said he was a messenger. He gave me two bottles of tea. One for myself.. one for someone that was to soon arrive. The teacher welcomed the man in to rest and enjoy the cool air of our .. classroom?. anyhow. He walked over and touched the stack of Tarot cards that belonged to the lady who kept us. She laughed. "Everyone has been using my cards.. its starting to annoy me." The man smiled and sat on the floor. Moments later.. an older, but beautiful woman came to the door. I opened it. She gave me one of the bottles of tea to drink. It was sweet and spicey at the same time, and I smiled. I asked her who she was with a childs curious rudeness... and she told me she was a goddess... Teacher/Lady Victoria told me that was no way to behave in front of a goddess. The woman called Teacher-lady over and sat her down. Immediately the goddess picked up the Tarot and began reading. I kept trying to find somewhere to sit, but I kept getting into the sunlight that she was sitting in. She wasnt very happy with me. She did however smile, when I brought her bottle of tea to her.
There was a long space of what should have been time.. but logic tells me it was a flash of a moment, stretched out by dreaming..
Then there was a man. A dark man with long greased back hair. And he was in love with fire. He burned down our classroom. He burned some huge building... and after that.. my dream found him in a room.. with our indian goddess... She was hugging him. Telling him that it would be okay. That he would be okay. His hands behind her back lifted a small tin of gasoline.. or something else equally flamable. As he doused her back.. she began to cry. "What are you doing..." But she knew. You could tell by the tone of her voice that she knew. He struck a match.. and he was crying as well. Cried for the beauty he was about to destroy. She was in flames then and he stepped back.. She smiled sadly at him... Bowed her head and let the fire consume her.
The scene changes.
It finds him on a dream bed of silks and long swathes of fabric hanging from the canopy top of the bed. There's a smell.. Like meat.. Family barbeque's .. something darker. Fuel and sulfur from matches. You see the man rolling across the bed. Charred flesh of the goddess he killed in his arms. Body stiff. Burnt beyond reckognition. Hes still Crying. Hands across the rough almost ashed meat. Hes crying how sorry he is. How he cant help himself. How its something erotic. Something he needs. He begs the corpse for forgiveness. He digs his fingers into smoking flesh. Demands she say its alright. ...
Then I woke up.
current mood: weird
current music: Like Toy soldiers
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
|
|
5:19 am - The crap that comes to you at 5am
|
We slip between the little places
You almost eager
and I
Undone to the bone.
There's a draft under my skin.
cold to the touch.
And Im afraid
I'll break.
Sometimes
the ribbons of your fingers uncurl.
rainbows there.
Made of tears.
we used to talk of bricks.
and
Mirror.
Now nothing but the frames
of in between.
The frost-fragile pattern
of what used to be
is lost
in now.
And Im holding to
what could have been
and you
speak of tomorrow's
and some days.
Im fading
from what you thought I was
The color of my eyes
washed out.
Stop dreaming of green.
Im a shade
away
from grey.
current mood:  nauseated
current music: silence
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, January 7th, 2005
|
|
8:21 am - I dont even know what happened.
|
Things went wrong, then right, then wrong.
I almost feel bad about what I said to Emy. Almost. But I couldnt take it anymore.
David got me 4 video's yesterday.
Suicide Kings, Robroy, Willard, and The royal tennenbaums. Go Go 3$ a peice! Now to just work on the rest of my movie list Whee Haw.
I have a headache from crying. Its a long story, and a long headache.
I love you everyone. I miss my friends.
Jenn
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, January 6th, 2005
|
|
3:29 am - !
|
Sooooo Emy.
Guess what. I know you dont like people bitching about your life. (even though you do it you hypocrite) Hah! Im not even making this post private.
So you wanna know what it looks like to me?
Looks like you've gone psycho just like your goddamned momma. Do you even know what Taking a break means? It means YOU"RE BROKEN UP.. with the chance of getting back together.
That doesnt mean "Charlies my bitch whenever I want it."
and tonight was just fucking illness. Calling him to say "Oh Ignoring me isnt gonna help, call me back" as a message left for him?! Jesus.. if you're trying to win his heart back, you're doing a grand grand fucking job.
Alright. Im sorryto hear about the loss of Your grandmother.. but what I say is you being super fucking clingy about it is just one more ploy for Charlie attention. Its just sad honestly.. and How is "I just dont wanna be alone tonight" even valid?! there are people at your home.. There are a lot of your friends in wilmington? So how is going ot charlies a good Idea when you know he's been wanting to come see me.
Oh yes.. and I heard all about how it was your idea that he come see Me. Arent you just so fucking sweet?! Well.. this line is to give you credit for being such a good friend and allowing charlie to come see his friend that has been there for him always.
Onto the next thing. Money.
Do you know why charlie owes you so much fucking money? Because you MAKE him go and do things. You nag him to come see you in florence, knowing how far it is, and KNOWING he doesnt have the money.. so you loan it to him and MAKE him pay it back because if he doesnt come see you, your world ends. it goes the same with most of the other things.
you know its Charlie's fault for spoiling you so bad, but Jesus woman, you're old enough to stand on you're own two feet and you should be above playing these games.
and dont go turn this around on Charlie. I did tell him I was going to post this. I did tell him I was going to write all these things. He even asked me not to. He even asked me to give you warning before you read it. I told him No. So before you go and gripe at him AGAIN.. Take it up with me.
I also Realize that Im taking out a lot of other stress in my life on y ou right now.. Not that you dont deserve every bit of what I just said...
So this is my life.. uncensored.. though Charlie has to censor his life now because your in it. How sad.
current mood: pissed off
current music: none
|
|
(9 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
|
|
10:53 am - flakes and flakes and flakes
|
So Im grumpy this morning and I didnt wanna get out of bed.. go figure.
And what the fuck is it with everyone flaking out on me lately? Emy Stiffed me when she promised to come down. Charlie apparently is more concerned with getting some ass from his ex girlfriend than leaving me a message telling me he's not coming, and Eryn after promises and lots of planning.. just completely didnt come at all.
Everyones always real freakin sorry and all that
*sighs*
be sorry enough to show up for once.
current mood:  lonely
current music: Rasputina
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Monday, January 3rd, 2005
|
|
2:57 pm - ridiculous dreams.
|
I just woke from a nap with a very vivid, reoccuring dream.
A young russian man named Nikolai is about to turn 20, and as stipulated by his fathers will, will recieve some ridiculous amount of money. Apparently Im his servant/bodyguard. Some stern faced woman in a business suit. Anyway, its the night of his birthday, his lover and a lot of his friends are at his hotel, His uncle is next door in a matching suite. There is some rucus as a large group of his friends get caught sneaking back from the pool completely naked, and after hours (keep in mind iM still recalling this as I write) So Im sent down to help them out and get things settled, when Someone takes a shot at me. Im ducking and covering and doing the whole action movie thing. I catch a glance, and its Nikolai's Uncle. I hear Nikolai from the banister outside his hotel room telling me to get His Lover and stuff her in the plane out back (yes.. dreamy weirdness that theres a plane in the parking lot of a fancy hotel.) So I jet over screaming "Run. RUN" the whole time, and apparently in this dream.. everyone knows that means "Psycho murdering family members coming to kill, please be on your way." because they all do as they should.
That taken care of, its my worry to get back to Nikolai, and I barely beat the uncle up the stairs and hook the corner to his room and dive in on top of him. The door under my feet (that are some how bare by this point) is being slammed into by the uncle, and I am doing the best to get it closed. The door makes it open and (this is the most disturbing part to me.) When the door flies open, hes smashing a tall mirror into chunks to cut at me with.. and he looks at me, growling "I hope it slices, I hope it slices." its all I can do to balance my feet against the bits of mirror hes trying to shove at me, I finally get my head straight enough to get the door closed, as the door closed, I woke up.
Im so fucking weird.
current mood:  sleepy
current music: traffic rollin by
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
|
|
10:36 pm - whompee doodle do
|
I had a girl pampery night. long bubble bath, deep conditioning for the hair. getting ready to do my nails..
I need to come up with a nightly excersize routine for myself to shed a few pounds. I dont mind being chubby, but Ive gotten really heavy lately *damns david and his addiction to junk*
So Eryn said something about getting a little art peice published for me.. but unfortunately, david 'forgot' the details and guidelines for the peice, so I cant even start on it. Um. figures.
I miss charlie and I wish his work o holic ass would come see me and pick up his christmas present. I love y a charlie.
I wish I had the money to get down to wilmington to see my friends and family, pick up my car (which still needs a battery) and get my assload of stuff to haul back up here.. just wish I could bring my king sized bed back with me.. Its hard for two big people to sleep in a full sized bed. *sniffles and rubs the bruises from being pushed off*
My puppy is so cute, and getting so big now, but Im about to go nuts over this peeing on the floor thing.. (thank god for hardwood floors)
Im in love with the big thrift shop they have here. hehe.
That is all for now
bad jenn for not posting sooner.
current mood: cheerful
current music: Rasputina
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Friday, December 24th, 2004
|
|
2:16 pm - anxiety
|
check your gmail when you get a chance chuck.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Ani Defranco
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
|
|
10:55 pm - Hows that for a slice of fried gold.
|
What Will wasted_euphoria Get ?
| Xmas pressie predictor | | Big wooly jumper knitted by | ellantha | | Pair of Socks from | leynia | | Bottle of Whiskey from | bromoryn | | Cd from | realitydefiler | | Something Cuddly from | yevimwordshaper | | Something Intoxicating from | notamos | | Something Silly from | trashedxgirly | | Something Funny from | fiendmorte | | Lump of coal from | morriganna | | Something Pretty from | trebleclefpoet | | Something Shiny from | rocketlad | | Something Naughty from | lord_dominion | | Something Smelly from | vellications | | Something Breakable from | gotr_groupie | | Something Useful from | sixamstudios | | Something not useful from | piccolopixie | | The Black and Decker Tool Kit from | lepetitemorte | | Livejournal account from | dissonantsongs | | The Make-up Bag from | lord_dominion | | Stack of DVDs from | dissonantsongs | | Something Geeky from | yevimwordshaper |
current mood:  sad
current music: Shaun of the dead
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Monday, December 13th, 2004
|
|
5:30 pm - Day is done, Gone the sun.
|
I got this on my offline messages last night.
jerry (12/12/2004 3:42:58 PM): hey jenn. i dont really know how to tell you this so im just gonna tell ya. Dick called my dad last night. Rocky's not with us nomore. i guess he wrecked his motor cycle. Dicks number is 419 436 0031. i'm sorry for the shitty news
I had a hard time wrapping my head around this.
Rocky just got his shit straight you know. Cleaned up his act and started to get his life straightened out. Thank you Tor for letting me talk last night. About rocky, and artrooms, and all the things we did..
Rocky wasnt the greatest person in the world.. but he was fucking awesome. He'd piss you off but you'd love him anyway, and he introduced me long ago to the term 'dirty Cunt Rag' I think this is a vital thing. *smiles*
We'll miss you rock.
I hope everyone is okay.
current mood: sad
current music: nothing
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
|
|
7:57 pm - memories
|
I may have put this in my journal long ago, but I feel like reposting it. The memory attached to it, because of it, and which spawned it, has been heavy like fog in my head tonight.
There was a slip in
the line of reality, and
suddenly
there was a new
universe, and
I
had stars in my hair
stars
in my eyes. stars
In the hem of my skirt.
There was no moon
but I sang for you
anyway
The twist of my
smile drowned
in
the ocean
with the milky-way
for a scarf.
You were
not so far gone
when
the waves
took away those
Mermaid dreams,
and
replaced them with
these skies
and
this ocean
rolling
like thunder.
These siren eyes of mine
will shudder one more time
in
that glitter
of
You.
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: Rasputina, New Zero
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
5:05 pm
|
|
|
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
|
|
9:02 pm
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
wasted_euphoria's journal
disappointed